SELF-DISCOVERY LIFTS ANNIE DENVER TO A SPECIAL ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH by Jeff Strickler Minneapolis Star & Tribune 6/18/82 As John Denver's small hit, "Annie's Song" warmed the cockles of romantic hearts the world over, only Annie Denver knew the irony behind those sweet, touching words. John may have been singing "You fill up my senses," but Annie was feeling empty. "When I look back, it's like a blank time in my life" said the former Minnesotan who now resides with her husband and two children atop a mountain in Colorado. "I've been married 15 years, but I can't remember the first seven or eight years. They were real unfocused." She was, she says now, a nonentity, nothing more than Mrs. Superstar, whose job was to smile and look pretty and keep out of the way. She was rarely expected to talk and - heaven forbid! - to even think of saying anything "significant." ("And you, Mrs. Denver, what's the recipe for John's favorite meat loaf?") She was just another face in the John Denver entourage, brought along when the singer took to the road much the same way as the bass player, the private chef or any other piece of the basic superstar luggage. "I never used my mind" she admitted. "I really put me on the back burner." But no more: The figurative Annie Denver has moved herself from the back burner all the way to the microwave oven and is cooking with an enthusiasm she has never felt before. She still is on the road a lot, but now it is as the primary constituent of the Annie Denver entourage. "We're both on the road" she said of her husband, "only now we go different directions." She has turned her energies toward a campaign against world hunger, raising money for arts programs and trying to help people - espeially women who feel bound by traditional sexual stereotypes - to "discover themselves." If it is a cause she believes in, she'll be there. "Wherever people want me to speak, I'll go" she said. It is that dedication that has brought her back to Minnesota to serve as chairwoman for the Children's Home Society of Minnesota's "Night at the Pops" benefit concert Tuesday at Orchestra Hall. (Her husband was in town this week for a concert of his own at the St. Paul Civic Center, but that was "just a coincidence" she said). The mother of two children who were adopted through the society (Zachary, 8, and Anna Kata, 5 1/2) she has become active in the effort to replace the $150,000 in federal funding that has been pulled from the society's coffers. Although such allegiance is part of the debt she feels she owes the society "for giving me the ultimate gift - my children," it is more than just repayment that motivates her. It also is part of the rebirth of Annie Denver, person. "I'm launching me" she said during a recent visit to Minneapolis to promote the benefit concert. "For the first time I feel in control of my own life. But that was some time in the making. It started when she was growing up as the oldest of four children in St. Peter, Minn. It was the early 1950's a time when little girls were raised with liberal doses of the traditional sugar and spice. "I was raised to be the best little girl in the world" she said. "It was a perfect example of the Cinderella complex: Why is it a woman should think she is nothing without a man?" While studying art education at Gustavus Adolphus College, she met John, then a member of the Chad Mitchell Trio. They were married in 1967, and shortly thereafter, he launched his solo act. By the mid 1970's, John Denver, singer, had become John Denver, His Rocky Mountain Highness, Inc. And his wife had become very unhappy. "I felt real threatened (by John's stardom) dominated by it" she recalled. "People would climb all over you, literally. People would be tryint to take his picture, and if I was standing there, they would climb over me to get to him." She admits that, on the surface, being married to an internationally famous singing star doesn't look like such a rough thing to have to adjust to. Raised by traditional Upper Midwest "I can't kick" standards, she felt guilty being unhappy at the same time her husband was bringing home millions of dollars. "I had everything" she said "a husband who wrote songs about me, two great children, lots of money, a nice home, a beautiful place to live, even household help. Yet part of me was as unhappy as I had ever been in my life. "And that scared me. Outwardly I looked fine, but inwardly I was falling into a hole. I really didn't even let myself know. We have an amazing ability to stuff things down and keep going." Four years ago, it finally got to be more than she could continue to hide. After a period of "incredible sadness and depression" she realized that the problem was not with her husband or his success but with herself. "The hardest thing was to get intouch with who I was" she said. "Women buy a vision of life that says if we have a new car and a new home, everything is fine. But none of that will get you through the long haul. I had to get in touch with who I was. I had to really reach inward. And that takes incredible courage. It takes courage to risk finding out who you really are." Her husband has supported her throughout her rediscovery process. "This probably has been the most difficult time of his life" she said. "I'm not the same person I was when I was 20. But he thinks all the changes are positive. We've both gotten an incredible amount of growth out of the relationship." She plans to go back to college to get a degree in psychology or counseling. In the meantime, she plans to keep busy with projects such as the Children's Home Society fund raiser ("I want to make a contribution to things I believe in") and offer whatever inspiration she can through speaking engagements. "I want people to know that it is still a struggle for me" she said. "Whenever I talk to women, I am amazed how many are carrying all this around with them. They feel alone. And they feel scared. I want them to be able to talk to another person who can say, 'I've been through that too.'"